Choose Your Enemies Wisely

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on. - Joseph Heller

We are all brought up to believe that we should be friends with everyone. If we have enemies, there must be something wrong with us. Guess what? We all have enemies, we just don't realize it.

One of the definitions of "enemy" is "Something harmful or deadly" - Mirriam-Webster Disctionary

Think for a moment about someone you have met who you quickly distrusted.

Get a very clear picture of that moment when your inner voice said "Careful! This person could hurt you! Proceed with caution. Avoid if possible. Smile and pretend nothing is wrong."

Remember?

That person was not your friend. You knew instinctively that person would bring you down if you got too close, eat up your time and energy and leave you with little or nothing to show. That person was NOT a wise investment for you.

• Recognize the enemy.
  
• Proceed with caution.
  
• Avoid if possible.
  
• Smile and pretend nothing is wrong.
  
• Carry on being who you are and doing what you do best.

Now, if you are like me, you often ignore your inner voice. After all, you would not want anyone to judge you this way without giving you a chance to prove yourself. Here's where most people stall, losing time, energy and ... well, let's face reality ... money.

Recognize that any effort you have already spent on these people is now a "sunk cost".

Whether in business, career, friendship or especially a romantic relationship, it is difficult to face the fact that our efforts have been wasted and the longer we invest our energy into this person, the more of ourselves we will waste. While it may seem cold, successful people master the ability to recognize "sunk costs" quickly and let them go.

If you want everyone to like you, this is a very difficult thing to do. Here's a different perspective I have discovered that works for me:

1. You have your own unique set of VALUES. To be authentic and give your greatest strengths to the world, you must remain true and honour your values in everything you do.
2. If someone distracts you from your true Vision and Mission in life, it is up to YOU to get yourself back on track.
3. If this person shows ANY jealousy or negativity toward your Values, Vision or Mission, this person is an enemy to your future growth, your current productivity and your life's purpose. You owe it to yourself, and all those you can help, to distance yourself from that person, write off the "sunk costs" and move ahead with purpose.
   

You don't know your specific Values? You have not yet created a Vision and a Mission for yourself? This is like heading across the country for a road trip without a map. You may have some great adventures, but:

• you will be distracted by every road sign you see,
  
• you will take longer to make decisions,
  
• you will have more regrets and waste in your life.

If you are tired of being tossed around in life and want to be as effective as possible, take the Values Preference Indicator.

1. Know your top core values and find way to honour them in your life.
   
2. Understand what you de-value (lowest on your list), gauge your reactions to these values and understand that is the same reaction you have to those who place those values at the top of their own list.
   
3. Recognize that there will be people in this life who will not help you but will hinder your growth and direction.

• Recognize the enemy.
  
• Proceed with caution.
  
• Avoid if possible.
  
• Smile and pretend nothing is wrong.
  
• Carry on being who you are and doing what you do best.

You owe it to you!

If you weren't doing what you're doing, what would you be doing?

Every time I hear the above question, I can actually feel my brain short circuit.

Thoughts rush in, waving madly, yelling "Pick me! Pick me!"

I envy the people who can answer this question clearly, directly and in detail. To those people I want to say That sounds fantastic! What are you waiting for???

Then I have to step back and check myself.

The running theme of all my dreams involves influencing people to move in positive directions. That sounds fantastic. What am I waiting for???

We all face the same dilemma, whether our dreams are clearly defined or not:

Let go of what we know to pursue a dream or ideal life for ourselves

= free-fall from a suspension bridge and hope for a safe landing on better ground ...

possible, but so are a number of other less happy endings.

"The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes." - Earl of Beaconsfield

A clearly defined goal that fits our values, personal style and strengths can help us automatically make thousands of tiny decisions minute-by-minute, day-by day that bring our reality closer to our dreams. Some call this the law of attraction. I call it a healthy, fully functioning brain.

After a while, that feared free-fall into the unknown becomes a purposeful and well prepared parachute to a visible paradise.

Ask yourself these 7 questions:

1. What are your Core Values?
2. What is your true preferred Personal Style?
3. What are your strengths you want to use on a daily basis?
4. What skills do you want to acquire to compliment the strengths you prefer to use?
5. What are all the things you would want to do if you weren't doing what you're doing?
6. Working backwards from where you want to be to where you are, what action steps, information and resources are needed to do what you really want to do?
7. What are you willing and able to act on right NOW? If not now, WHEN?

Companies make Mission and Vision statements. Create your own Vision and Mission statements honouring your true Core Values, Style and Strengths. Be the CEO of your life. Create clarity and direction. Work ON your life, rather than IN it.

Most of all, enjoy the ride and make true friends and lasting contributions along the way!

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Getting Organized (a.k.a. Becoming an "ORG NINJA"!)

I am a fan of organized people. They amaze and confound me. They make being organized look so effortless and logical, yet my reality is just so not that.

I know I'm not alone.

Because of people like me, there's a whole "organizing" industry. There's even a professional non-profit association of organizers in Canada where you can actually find someone to help you get organized! I kid you not! Go to www.organizersincanada.com for more information.

I HAVE been very organized ... at different times ... in one or two areas of life ... while everything else fell apart.

Organizing is actually my favourite avoidance technique. I give the illusion of being very busy and productive, while preventing myself from tackling something extremely important and difficult. I've come to terms with this habit. When the energy is there I go with it. At least I'm getting my most non-favourite task of filing out of the way.

When I get going, I'm very good at filing. So why can't I STAY organized?

Well, in a nutshell, some of my top core values are Variety, Creativity and Challenge, while Organization is third from the bottom. In my Personal Style Indicator, I am very people oriented, as opposed to task oriented. I really gather no joy or fulfillment from filing every piece of paper that travels my way.

I am not that way wired.

Are there benefits for people who ARE wired that way? ABSOLUTELY!

• They don't break into a sweat at the word "Taxes".
  
• They save great amounts of money from rebates and coupons that have not expired.
  
• They will never panic when I call them to ask if I can pop in and see them in ten minutes as I'm in their neighbourhood (people dropping into MY neighbourhood will have to meet me at the Starbucks or Tim Horton's down the street).

As we all know, our Personal Style and Core Values are not EXCUSES for our behaviour, so to prevent myself from being completely inept I have developed some survival systems ... which I of course change from time to time, fulfilling my value of Variety ... and telling myself THIS one will work!

If you're organizationally challenged like me I recommend you create a system that YOU WILL USE!!! There are terrific people out there with amazing systems I could never in a million years put into practice. The best paperwork system I've found yet for me is a set of four file folders that travel everywhere with me ... YES, ONLY FOUR!!!

1. Inbox - these are the things you need to act on within the current quarter.
2. Outbox - these are the things you need to redistribute, take somewhere else or discuss with other people
   
3. Expenses - This is a huge one for me! All your receipts go here to be filed into a tax file at home or written on an expense form at work, held for 30 days in case you need to return something, etc.
4. Future Ideas - all the pieces of paper, magazine articles, brainstorms, etc that I am not going to act on immediately go here to be reviewed quarterly and prioritized

Duplicate this set up as baskets on your desk at work (or files in your drawer) and trays on your office wall at home.

This system has freed my mind from the constant nagging worry of misplacing or burying a paper of high importance. My ever treasured mound of amazing ideas now has it's own folder, which I can pull out and peruse whenever I need a creative break.

Like it?

No, I can't claim responsibility for this idea. I recently had the opportunity to hear Krista Green, TV Show Host, author and speaker, in person. Her relatable, practical advice in her "Travel Light, Fly Faster" presentation will revolutionize the way I approach my briefcase, office and even my purse (love that "Butler Bag")!

For more information about Krista see www.organizedforlife.ca.

If your focus and productivity is impeded by the pile of paperwork in your office, do yourself a favour:

1. Schedule time in your daytimer or electronic calendar that is UNMOVABLE and call it ORG NINJA TIME or something that makes you look forward to that event.
2. DO NOT answer your phone or door during this time. You are booked! It is a meeting! It is important!
3. Start with Krista's simple system, but use boxes the first time. Add an additional box called Reference Material. That will include all things you can file and may or may not have to look at in future. DO NOT GET DISTRACTED! If you find a paper you need to act on, put it in your "INBOX" to deal with AFTER your ORG NINJA TIME.
   
4. Clear your work area and backlog of paperwork once and for all into workable sections that are within reach, but not front and center (close drawer or accordion file).
5. Place all Reference Material in a less accessible location - a further away file cabinet or bankers box in storage room.
   
6. Clear your briefcase and any other stashes or piles of "To-Do's" so all your priority work is in one place.
7. When you leave each location, take your "OUTBOX" items with you. When you arrive, go through your OUTBOX folder in your briefcase to see what needs to be left in the new location.
   
8. Schedule time each day to file all rogue paper into your system (to be done, to go somewhere or be filed, expenses, ideas for the future). Remember: A system you actually use is a system that actually works. The more you use it, the more systematic it will become and the more it will work for you!

Most of all, make it fun! Be a happy but ruthless ORG NINJA!!!

How Did I Get Here?

If that title made you sing a Talking Heads song, you're as old as me.

The concepts suggested in the song's words "Letting the days go by ..." and "Same as it ever was ..." are tragically all too real for most of today's society. The character in the song wakes up in a world he's created and become trapped by while sleepwalking through life.

In careers, we see this happen when people follow convenience, jobs offered by well-meaning relatives or friends and a need for a paycheque. We see this in people setting goals that are not in line with their passions, strengths and purpose.

Where Do I Go From Here?

If you've been at that crossroad described above, you know you really have three choices:

1. Go back to your familiar sleepwalking;
2. Go to sleep somewhere else thinking the new environment will make a difference; or
3. Get out of bed, take a good look in the mirror and start working on a purposeful life!!!

#3 is exhausting, but well worth the journey and does not alienate those who have grown to love and depend on you. As entrepreneurs #3 is vital to your ultimate success or all you've grown will dissolve "... into the blue again after the money's gone ..."

A good start to this journey is "the mirror" - a clearer picture of who you are, your inherent strengths, how you show up day to day and your true core values. You can sift through feedback from those who know you, engage the help of a life coach or psychologist, or take a few self-directed assessments. I recommend the triple-threat:

1. Start with the assessments
2. Discuss your self-discovery with those closest to you and engage their feedback
3. Round it out with targeted life coaching

Two self-scoring self-interpreted assessments I highly recommend are:

The Online Personal Style Indicator (PSI) and the Online Values Preference Indicator (VPI)

Both hold the mirror up at different angles, and also teach you how to look at others in a whole new way! There are many life coaches available, each with a different background or focus. There are many ways to find a coach in your area. Talk to other professionals you respect and see if any of them have a coach they would recommend to you. There are coaches who work over the phone as well.

Life is a journey, not a destination. The day we stop growing and learning how to be the best possible version of ourselves is the day we stop inspiring others ... and the day we begin to stop mattering to anyone but ourselves. What a sad day that is.

Whatever You Choose to Focus On ... No Regrets?!

I recently turned down the opportunity to go to a great networking event. I knew the potential for opportunity was passing me by. These contacts could have amounted to terrific connections and allies for many years to come. I was running on empty, completely burnt and afraid I would not be able to maximize the event. I chose my health over the event.

Naturally what did I do the entire next day? Thought about the event I missed instead of focusing on what I needed to do that day. I ended up missing out doubly and being miserable.

I'm sure I made the wise decision initially but then should have fully embraced that decision with no regrets. What's done is done. You can't change the past. Why dwell on it?

On closer look though, which all that dwelling eventually brought me to, a couple of things were happening:
#1: The things I had been doing in my day to day life for the week prior to the event were very draining ... probably not the things I should have been focusing on if I had been living and working truly on purpose.
#2: Deep in my heart I felt my values were not in alignment with the person who invited me to the event. When first asked, I said "yes" to the event as it seemed like the right place to be, but my sub-conscious was churning away calculating all the ways I may need to insulate myself from this individual at the event.

Wow!

So apparently I was not practicing what I preach. I realized a clear and simple truth:

If you cannot at that moment be fully engaged and on purpose in your decision making, there is an internal conflict regarding that decision and your core values.

In plain english, the event was the place I should have been. It was the right thing for me to be at and my brain and heart knew it. I had compromised my core values all week and I did not have the forsight to attempt to attend the event WITHOUT the person who is contrary to my core values; therefore, I missed out. So yes, the gurus of "Go fully into the now and embrace it" are correct on the surface (why put yourself through additional pain and agony), but wrong overall. By emptying your mind you allow fluff to invade that teaches you nothing, instead of growing from the experience.

My suggestion? Be fully aware of your inherent strengths and your core values which are not likely to change in a lifetime. If you are not living and working in a way that honours your core values, you will disengage, lose focus, be inconsistent, lack credibility and decrease your self esteem. Eventually you will fail and blame yourself over and over again, which is completely counter-productive. Instead, know yourself and be your brand.

To do this summer:
1) Visit CRG and complete the Values Preference Indicator. This is $25 online. Print based is available for $20 plus shipping.


Online Values Preference Indicator (VPI)

2) Read through the entire report, comparing your initial list of your perceived values with your actual core values. Make special note of the values that moved up into your core list. These are the ones you have NOT been honouring. Note the ones that dropped out of your core list. These are someone elses values you adopted and honoured, thinking they were truly you.

3) Note the bottom three values on your final core value list. Gauge the way you feel about them and about people who hold these as their top core values. Realize this is the way you unconsciously engage with these people and why you may lack credibility in their eyes. Values are not right or wrong, they just are. They are set by the time you are twelve and not likely to change in a lifetime. YOU WILL NOT CHANGE THEM BY WITHOLDING HONOURING THEIR VALUES. You will effect their perception of you ... and not in a good way.

4) Make your plan of action to save at the end of the online report for future reference (or write them on your print based report). Refer to this action plan WEEKLY or even DAILY throughout the summer AND whenever you are making a decision you are the least bit hesitant over.

5) Get rid of your "NOW" guru books and get real, get grounded and get fully engaged and on purpose! Pain is there for a reason. It is telling you something is wrong with your body, mind or heart. Listen to the pain and find the actual source, then stop doing what's causing the pain! It's just that simple ... Time consuming? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely!

Have a fully on purpose summer!