Getting Out of Trouble ... For Real

Have you ever messed up in life so badly you felt you would never recover?

Business deals get muddied with amateur mistakes or lack of follow up. Personal relationships become ugly and complicated. Your life looks harder to repair than to walk away from.

We're human. We have the amazing ability to create ... and destroy ... ourselves.

 ~ authentic Carol Carterism #13 (how appropriate!)

I live in a townhouse complex that has all vehicles parked in the center of the rows of buildings. Communal living makes for some interesting stories!

Many months ago, a neighbour (we'll call him Mr. Angry) comes home to find a very nice, convertible sports car parked in his parking stall. There's much yelling and some banging of doors. He has my attention, as well as anyone else who is in their kitchen, overlooking the echoing parking area.

His wife urgently tries to calm Mr. Angry down. This couple just moved into our complex a few months earlier. Wife's efforts are lame at best. I figure she's embarrassed by this over the top reaction, but now I know Wife wasn't completely sure that Mr. Angry wouldn't turn all that rage on her. Mr. Angry disappears into his house.

Peace. I breathe. Wife is frozen, uncertain. Weird ... until Mr. Angry reappears ... with a shovel! He starts chopping into the ragtop of the little sportscar! At this point I'm calling back to my 6'4", 260 lb love of my life, Mr. Incredible, to come to the window. We might need him!

Mr. Angry reaches through the gaping new hole in the ragtop of the convertable, unlocks the door, reaches into the car and starts pulling out everything inside it! Bags, clothes, makeup, paper is flung into the parking lot! Mr. Angry jumps into the driver's seat, pulls the vehicle into gear, steps out and starts pushing the offending car backwards using the driver's door frame.

Note to self: purchase club for steering wheel. 

A frantic young lady bursts from the doorway of the unit next to Mr. Angry's, yelling "What are you doing? STOP! That's my stuff! I'll move my car! I'll move my car!". Miss Frantic tries to gather her strewn personal items, which spill right back out of her arms as she stoops to pick up more. By this time a crowd of concerned neighbours have gathered at the edges of the parking lot, keeping a safe distance, talking amongst themselves in hushed and excited tones. I watch (with Mr. Incredible) from the safety of my kitchen.

Mr. Angry lets go of Miss Frantic's sad, violated sportscar and hops into the drivers seat of his VW Golf ten yards away.  As Miss Frantic pulls out of Mr. Angry's parking stall, Mr. Angry takes a run at her, slamming his brakes inches from the side of her car!! A collective "Ooh!" escapes from the gathering crowd! Miss Frantic pulls back into Mr. Angry's parking stall. Mr. Angry retreats into his corner again ... both wait ... for the next move.

Quickly, Miss Frantic takes a run for it, backwards, through the entire parking lot. Her reverse gear screams for mercy. Mr. Angry speeds into his stall, steps out of his car, slams his door, goes out of his way to run and kick one of Miss Frantic's bags, and disappears for good into his unit.

Wow! Can Mr. Angry ever recover from this? 

I'd love to be a fly on the wall at ICBC. "You did WHAT with the shovel???" Even if his wife is the sweetest being on the planet, I will never have coffee at their house ... and I never want to be mentioned in one of their personal conversations, or know what goes on behind their closed doors when Mr. Angry is ... angry. In fact, I want to move.

The police came. Mr. Angry was arrested. I was called in to give a statement because I'm one of the few who dared to admit I saw the whole thing. My first question? "Will this statement be anonymous?" Months later I was contacted by the RCMP ... to appear in court in November. Now it's November. Anxiety! Will Mr. Angry retaliate against the neighbours who testify? This morning, Constable Linda helped me breathe again. There's a warrant out for Mr. Angry who failed to appear in court. I'm off the hook ... for now ...

I asked earlier - can Mr. Angry ever recover from this? In short "YES!!!!" Will it be easy? NO!!!! Will he do it? ... That's up to him and his ego.

No matter how ugly life looks, how deep you sink, how judged you are, there's always, ALWAYS a way to set things right and be truly alive again. ~ authentic Carol Carterism #14

Have you backed yourself into life's darker corners - late with your taxes? Overdue bills? Damaged relationships? Ruined credibility at work?

It's tempting to try to edge along the wall and hope no one sees you slip away (like Mr. Angry and his latest "failure to appear"). The next survival instinct when you can't just disappear, is to come out with your claws slashing, attacking everyone in your path (that's a whole other Mr. Angry story). You will never truly be free. As hard as it is, the only way to freedom is straight forward. You must accept responsibility, open your hands, your eyes, your ears and your mind and ask:

"How can I fix this?", "Can you help me?" ... and "I'm so sorry."

The world is a nutty place full of opportunities for epic failure, unimaginable recovery and THEN spectacular success!

~ authentic Carol Carterism #15. 

Will Mr. Angry recover from the mounting list of legal black marks?

Part of me hopes he never does, but is arrested for one of the many other MORE horrible things he's been up to, and is locked up for years. However, the part of me that has messed up relationships, finances and credibility in the past, knows that it would be better for EVERYONE if Mr. Angry opened his heart and mind, accepted responsibility and asked "How do I fix this?".

Maybe then, his wife can have coffee with a neighbour.

Rebuilding Personal Credibility

If you have made mistakes, even serious ones,
there is always another chance for you.
What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.

Mary Pickford

Have you ever had a moment that you wish you could take back and do over?

You know the one. It makes your stomach turn and palms sweat every time you think of it. It cost you credibility in the eyes of others—even in your own eyes.

I have great news!

No, I can't show you how to rewind time, but I do know that every passing minute is another opportunity to turn it all around.

Rarely is credibility lost forever. What counts is

• strong character;
• honesty; and
• taking ownership and moving things in a positive direction.

I have met people who would rather walk away from a difficult situation and start over somewhere else rather than

• accept responsibility for what happened,
• address the key issues, and
• rectify the wrong.

They are missing an enormous opportunity.

No one is perfect. We are all human. Everyone can make a mistake, say the wrong thing, miss a deadline, or forget an important detail. It's what we do AFTER the error that truly defines our character.

Recognizing and admitting to your mistake, then determining what can be done to correct the unhappy result, will demonstrate your true leadership and intent.

If the offended parties are still willing to talk to you, there is your golden opportunity. You can show you really are a problem-solver and person of substance and integrity.

This next step is not for the faint-hearted. In fact, this subject has likely made you very uncomfortable. If it hasn't, then you are perfect and obviously not from the same planet as the rest of us. There's much to lose by not restoring your credibility and much more to be gained by attempting to do so.

Next time you find yourself reliving a gut-wrenching moment you wish you could erase,

• pick up the phone,
• drop by with a gift or card to talk in person, or
• make a personal connection to reopen the lines of communication and ask for the chance to change the outcome.

The worst that can happen is that you are refused. You still will have won back some credibility with others and with yourself by showing the desire to make things right.

Points to Ponder This Month

• Is there a recurring area in your life that constantly costs you credibility? What can be done to change it?
• What has leaving a credibility issue unresolved cost you in business or in your personal life?
• If someone who has lost credibility in your eyes came to you genuinely ready, willing, and able to change things, would you refuse that person the opportunity to try?

If you are in a leadership position, also see http://jazzypromotions.blogspot.com/2008/12/becoming-oak-among-squash.html .

Becoming an Oak Among Squash

A leadership professor once asked his students: “Which would you rather be: a squash or an oak?”

The question confused students. They didn’t understand the connection to leadership.

“A squash,” he explained, “grows quickly from a seed, weathers the summer, but dies in inclement winter weather because it has no root system. An oak, on the other hand, withstands every storm and all weather patterns because of its root system. It is deeply embedded in the earth.”


So many comparisons leap into my mind:

• get rich quick (squash) vs. follow a plan that matches your strengths and passions (oak)
• brown nose (squash) vs. maintaining credibility and honesty in all your dealings (oak)
• push others down to boost self up (squash) vs. boosting others up and growing to new heights (oak)
• slap it together and get it done (squash) vs. do it well and let your name stand behind it (oak)
• look busy (squash) vs. do all you can do to the best of your ability all the time (oak)

I`m sure you can think of a few yourself ...


When it comes to leadership I get a definite picture of these two plants:

Squash:
You know that leader who offers no plan, no vision, no direction, expects people to just get to work. So staff go ahead with life and create ideas or needed initiatives but, because they are not the leader of other departments, there is no togetherness or overall plan across the company. They begin to have petty arguments, disrespect and distrust.

It gets worse. Typically the leader swoops in and micromanages from above after the work is done ... or worse, does the brush off of "I just would have expected you to do that. It's part of your job." Ooooh the frustration of the person trying to do the work (or the guess-work)!!

Oak:
This is the leader who aligns staff with their strengths and purpose, gives them an overall plan, budget, vision, mission and benchmarks that are reasonable, especially in challenging conditions and then empowers staff to fulfill their purpose, continuing to facilitate positive and frequent communication, flow of ideas, encouragement for effort and guidance mid-stream where guidance is needed.

Here's one I would add which you might recognize ...

Potato:
The leader who has a solitary plan which few others know. All ideas only sprout from that individual and no communication is requested or given. Staff are just expected to deal with the sprouts, wherever they pop up. In fact, no sprout may appear and staff are not to question or speculate about what's happening.

That leader is immovable, inaccessible and ... well ... no fun! I have a theory that he/she does not share the plan because he/she doesn't want to be committed to it and then have to say "I was wrong." (So far it's a theory because these people will NEVER tell me!)


Being a leader in your business, organization, family, etc. requires:

• incredible communication skills,
• solid mentoring or counseling ability,
• unwavering self-management,
• well developed problem-management skills,
• ability to consult others and to suspend inherent behaviours that are causing communication or trust issues ... which goes back to self-management.

If it sounds super-human, it is!
Are you up for it?

Being a leader is no different from being a sales person. You are selling your staff on your ability to lead the company and ensure their future daily.

Who do people buy from?

• Those the KNOW, LIKE and TRUST

What breaks down trust besides outright lies?

• Ambiguity (vagueness, uncertainty, haziness)

Ambiguity leaves too much to the discretion of the one being lead. That person can either do nothing and be squawked at, or do something and be micromanaged ... and squawked at.

That squawking has it`s own hazzards ...

"... out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." - Matthew 12:34B, the Bible

What you say and do can and WILL be held against you. Your communication - verbal AND non-verbal shows your staff where your head is at ... and they are always watching...

Negative squawking or the cold brush off and avoidance will create uncertainty, self-doubt, anxiety, anger and bitterness which cause involuntary and negative bio-physical responses which, in turn, inhibit rational thought and productivity. From then on, even the thought that a leader MIGHT be displeased will trigger that response in him or her ... there goes productivity, job satisfaction and workplace morale.

Why can`t employees just get over their response and understand that's just the way I'm wired?

Because they are HUMAN!

Humans ... MOST humans ... do not enjoy pain and that trigger response is their brain telling them to duck and cover 'cause pain is headed their way!


Employees surveyed said a credible employer must be these key things:

• Honest
• Competent
• Forward Looking
• Inspiring

These words could be said of the oak ... not so much the squash or potato

You don`t lead staff? I would challenge that these are the qualities we look for in a spouse, a mentor, a trusted friend, a parent, and ourselves.

If we all aspire to be oakish leaders of ourselves (as opposed to squashy or potatoish), then the world will be full of credible people.

... and wouldn`t that just be incredible?


Are you ready to develop your Leadership skills?
I recommend Dr. Terry Anderson`s book Transforming Leadership. Author: Dr. Terry Anderson together with the Leadership Skills Inventory - Self (LSI-S)

Blogging With Credibility

Stop the NOISE!

So many people have opinions they want to voice when crisis strikes close to home, at election time and ... well ... when everyone else is voicing their opinions.

Let's think about this for a moment.

• Say you openly share your personal political views with a potential client you've been wooing for months. Say your favourite party wins and then makes a mess of the system ... in the eyes of that potential client, who asks himself "What idiots voted this government in anyway?" ... and remembers you ... as the idiot? Or ... your party does NOT get in power and the party who does makes wise and prudent decisions and gains popularity ... and you change your opinion ... Unless you make a living from your political opinions, keep politics out of your personal brand!

• In times of personal crisis are you a completely rational person? Or later, when someone calls you on a bad decision you made, do you say "I was going through a crisis at the time."?People can build a solid reputation over a lifetime and completely destroy their credibility with half their audience in a paragraph.

King Solomon, the wisest king in history, left us these words:

• "A prudent man conceals knowledge, but the heart of fools proclaims foolishness" Pr 12:23 and

• "He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit. Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; when he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive." Pr 17:27-28

In a time when so many people have so many things to say, it's hard to hear what's right. Here's what we do know:

• The sun will rise tomorrow.
• This too shall pass.
• People's words - written and spoken - are permanent. They will either be judged as fools or considered right.
• Those who do not panic and offer advice and opinions but forge ahead, keeping their lives and businesses credible and useful will be recognized, respected and trusted.

Please, if you have opinions you are compelled to share:

1. Look at your vision and mission statements.
2. Review your values.
3. Make sure that everything you say reflects these things.
   

• If it doesn't it is not in the best interests of you or your organization to express these opinions.
• If it will not help to better establish your brand and there's a possibility of hurting your brand, don't do it.

Write your opinions in a journal which you can publish years from now ... if it turns out your opinions proved correct. In the meantime, stay grounded, stay on purpose, know yourself and be your brand.